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Talk:All about : Queen Elsa/@comment-74.99.65.62-20161031210546
When I saw Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens, I noticed something unexpected. I mean the movie was very below average, that wasn't a surprise. Yet I found myself discovering the movie wasn't this all perfect piece of weapons grade fanboy bullshit I had been led to believe. To me it was a kind of adequate, tick the boxes, marketed sequel and designed by committee movie you'd come to expect these days. Nothing is learned, nothing is earned and it's just..... Kind of there. In fact I walked away from Force Awakens slightly dissapointed. I thought I'd have this perfect movie to tear into for being a badly made piece of shit, given godly status by a group of easily amused twat mackerels. Yet I walked away with nothing really to feel. Like eating two slices of bread with nothing in between. I had piles of ammunition to unload but with zero targets. How does that relate to Frozen? Well? In a weird sense, I'm getting that same feeling of emptiness from this movie too. It was very hollow and didn't have anything to praise or loathe.... It was just, kind of there. Basically what I'm getting at is Frozen is the Force Awakens of Disney Movies. Nothing is learned, nothing is earned and every character (with the exception of one) is highly forgettable. I get that Disney had little faith in the production and are now surprised by the overwhelming positivity it got to warrant a sequel (Known as The Arkham Asylum effect) yet Frozen to me doesn't really warrant a sequel and nothing is really deserving of the unwarrented importance it was given. It was a movie far too many got over excited about and lacking any real substance. Allow me to expand. Many of the movies concepts don't make sense even for a children's movie. If you're a child under the age of 7 then this movie will entertain you to no end and is worth your time. Yet if you're like me, 31 and awaiting Armageddon, then this movie falls flat on it's face! Probably because a lot of the plot points are never explained and left me scratching my head. Let me share a few with you. #1 "Where did Elsa's powers come from?" I feel like there is a movie I should've seen before this. Maybe "Freeze" would be a good title? Elsa can perform "magic" as her sister, Anna calls it.... Yet how? Was she bitten by a radioactive snowman or is she like a mutant from the X-Men? If the answer is "Well you need to read the graphic novel or storybook they released after the films release" my response is "SCREW YOU THAT'S BAD STORY TELLING!" for if you're unable to explain the motivation of the movie during said movie, then your story wasn't good to begin with. She can conjure a form of ice and snow based on what? Her emotions? Knowing all the words to the Power Rangers theme song? Also her powers really don't make a lot of sense in areas which they should've made more sense than ever. I mean making a bridge and an ice castle is a bit of a stretch; yet I'm pretty sure frozen water particles do NOT count as a form of clothing! That's fabric and materials. NOT ICE!! Also some really stupid moments. They chain her hands up in steel so she cannot create ice, yet neglect to remember she literally ran across the water when the water froze by coming into contact with her feet? And she wasn't even barefoot! It's the same baffling logic that Spider-Man can somehow stick to walls even thought his skin never comes in contact with the surface. While I'll touch upon this aspect later, but something that bugs me about the movie is Elsa herself having to have a shorter screen time. Don't get me wrong she is literally THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE (Bet you didn't see that coming huh?) but her motivation and set up don't work at all. She has to learn to control her powers yet the first time we see her, she seems pretty much in control to me. So she accidentally hits her dumbass sister, Anna in the head and suddenly SHE HAS NO CONTROL? Really movie? People make mistakes and the solution (we'll get to that) doesn't make any sense at all. Also this is a minor nitpick so I'll get it out of the way now. I get how Elsa can survive in cold weather, since her powers make her emmune to the ice she generates. Yet everybody else isn't and considering what little protective clothing her sister, Anna was wearing... Hypothermia should've killed Anna within minutes. Also another quick nitpick, when the guards are chasing Elsa in her freeze crib, they should have slipped and slide everywhere because you know. THAT'S HOW ICE WORKS!!! Elsa is an afterthought in her own movie! So a piece of product placement erases Anna's memories of her sister, Elsa having powers, when that in itself doesn't make sense if they're going to seperate them for a decade or two. Elsa really should've been more introverted and more of a recluse back then before. Sure she has the odd comment or two but nothing is expanded upon. I'm not saying she needed to be all Jessica Jones and drink herself stupid and calling everyone a fuck, but the odd passive aggressive remark or "I don't really like any of you!" attitude would have been better. Cus that's what reclusive introverts are like. Yet for some odd reason, the chick with the ice powers wasn't exciting enough for the writers? You'd think the character on the fucking lunchboxes, posters and the DVD itself would be the main focus of said movie, yet I think she was in the movie for about 20 minutes. Well at least she knows how Optimus Prime feels. That being said, there were seeds for something really good with her yet I felt it's never explored. Minus one annoying song that isn't catchy in the slightest (my opinion so fuck off) she just kinda stands in the green room for the whole movie while everyone else does the retard roundup. Also is she supposed to be the villain? She does her dance number, takes on a sinister (if highly sexy) appearence, hangs out in her sub zero doom fortress and can create Snow Demons.. Oh yeah she can create sentient life as well. CUS THAT'S HOW ICE WORKS GUYS! Then drops it cus "RICH WHITE GUY IS ASSHOLE!" Seriously movie you need to make up your mind here. Who is the main hero and who is the antagonist they have to fight. Having the movie about the villain would have been a nice touch.... Of course you tried that with Maleficent and you cocked up so maybe it's for the best. So she's a loner, hangs out in the waste lands, has a soft spot for an idiot and has a clothes beam. She and Piccolo would get along just fine. Her parents are idiots! The movie establishes Elsa needs to learn how to control her powers. "Oh" said I "A journey of self discovery and a fusion of a Disney Princess movie with a Super hero movie?" yet what happens? Her parents locked her in a room till she's an adult with zero interaction with anyone? While she sat on her arse doing sod all? That's not learning how to control her powers. When the shit hit the fan and she turned the kingdom colder than Hillary Clinton's heart, she tells her sister, Anna she doesn't know how to thaw the ice. I said "Gosh if only she had someone to teach her how to control her powers in some regard, would've been butt fucking stupid to just LOCK HER IN A ROOM WHICH WILL MAKE HER FEEL EVEN WORSE!!!" then they did the cliche Disney parent death and are never brought up again. Plus I didn't get how she instantly got her powers and could build A GIANT ICE CASTLE just by singing a song when she already had a handle on them, except when the dumbass sister, Anna got hurt suddenly it's all "OH NO WHAT DO I DO!!?" Lazy, lazy writing! If I had to remake the movie, Frozen I'd of made Elsa the actual focus (considering she's the one plastered across all the godamm merchandise) of the movie more than ever. She'd spend time away from home on a journey of self discovery and finally gains control, only to come home and finds out her sister married the first asshole she saw which would allow the rest of the movie to take place. Beautiful segway by the way.The character I hated the most. Fortunately not the talking snowman, Olaf but not Marshmallow the cool giant snowman bodyguard and not the snowgies (Frozen Fever) either. I have nothing/else against Kristoff at all but Anna, man how I wanted to put my fist through her empty poorly drawn head! She's so irritating in every scene she's in. She has the mentality of a five year old and absolutely clueless about everything/else. Even the movie has to spell it out for her when a few characters tell her not to marry the first guy she see's..... But the second guy is A-OK! Again. Lazy, lazy writing! And another thing, I get why poor Elsa had to be locked away in her room, yet why was the other brat, Anna not allowed outside either? Couldn't she just talk to the maids/butlers or someone else living on the grounds? She only has the power to annoy people but she wouldn't kill anybody/else at all though Locking both away doesn't make any sense in the long run. My Dearest explained to me that "If Anna was the only one around, then people would get suspicious!" to which I replied that having them both locked away after the King and Queen's death is already highly suspicious! I'd single her out as the most retarded thing in this movie, universe, but everybody else's doing the previously mentioned retard roundup. So Anna is dying after Elsa struck her in the heart (Kinda cheered when she did that) so they go to the rock trolls to get it fixed. Yet rather than doing the logical thing of helping her, they launch into a gawdy musical number. Yet they finally shut up after they notice "hey her hair is going white!"..... You just wanted to cram as many songs out as possible didn't you movie? While you got me talking about the soundtrack. This is easily the most forgettable soundtrack I've ever heard. I also finally understand why people only talk about the previously mentioned "Let it go" and "Do you wanna build a snowman?" cus the rest of them are fucking putrid garbage. Here's a challenge, without going to Wikipedia or looking at your Frozen CD, name the entire soundtrack of this movie and even sing a few verses... From the songs that aren't Let it go or Do you wanna build a Snowman? Believe it or not the movie had a scenario I could relate to which is why I kinda like Elsa now in that people need to learn boundaries. Elsa only wants to be left alone, yet her clingy little sister, Anna only makes the situation worse than ever in the long run. I fucking hate it when people pull that shit, people who have problems DON'T need self important assholes forcing the answer out of them. It only makes it a whole lot worse. In fact this movie would've been solved if she just said "Yes, get married Anna!" then she'd have the place to herself. Problem solved. Yet that would be implying this movie had an actual plot and structure to begin with. When that empty headed little twat turned into ice I couldn't cheer loud enough! She turned into a Sub Zero fatality and here I am without a sledgehammer to finish the job! Okay I'll quickly say something positive. I do like the visual design of the backgrounds. Yet the human characters need A LOT of work. I think if I let Elsa live with me I'd make sure she ate something. The only people who should be that stick figure like are Victoria Secrets Models and Mr.Burns from The Simpsons. The noses stuck out with me for I'm pretty sure they shouldn't be that low on the faces and the Akira Toriyama styled forheads are kinda off putting. When making the sprite of Elsa for the comic, I said "No, I can't draw her like this!" and opted for my style of things. Yet if they can just figure out how to animate humans, Disney would be the third best at making CGI kids movies and when first place is Pixar, that isn't so bad. Also why does this movie need two comedy sidekicks and why is only one of them any good? Olaf to me seems like an attempt to cash in on the stupid Minions craze. A highly irritating background character that can be sold as a plushie and other merchandise. At least the Minions knew to talk in only gibberish and not sing a song. This movie teases this mother fuckers death constantly that by the third time he appeared to die I stopped reacting to it. Also I love how people preach this movie has a message but to me, there is no message. Just a string of plot threads and cliches that are not really shocking or memorable. Case in point, the sappy yet highly ridiculous ending. So in order to save Anna's life (not sure why anyone would want to) is, and the movie clearly states this as well, "a true loves kiss" but has to cram a narrative in their with the reveal of Prince Charming being an asshole. I hate it when movies pull this shit. This character had no intention or motivation to show he was a douche yet the movie is trying to be "special" when it's really saying nothing. M. Night Shyamalan you are not my friend.... Not sure why you'd want to be either? Apparently Elsa's "true love for Anna" is how she thawed the ice. My response was beyond the opening scenes, WHEN did she show any affection for the whiny little brat, Anna? I suspect, being the cynical old bastard I am, this was all a ploy in the age of "FEMAIL EMPOWAMENT GUYZ!" yet the movie really stumbles in that regard when Mulan did it better, Brave did it better and sadly even Shrek did this better! The reveal of Prince Charming being a douchebag and the Princess kicking ass led me to say "Shrek did it!" God. Shrek is better than a Disney movie? That's so depressing I think I'm going to cry. Yet back to positive town for a moment. Elsa the character Rey from Force Awakens should've been. She has power, able to take down the baddies but is deeply flawed, highly relatable and ISN'T PERFECT AT EVERYTHING! If you made a fusion of these two then you'd have the greatest female protagonist in history! "Reylsa?"However, here is the COLD hard truth that the fanboys don't want to here. Frozen is a novelty, a one off, a run of the mill movie that got lucky and is HIGHLY forgettable. A day after watching it I cannot tell you a single scene in detail beyond the "Let it go!" scene. The characters are boring, especially Anna, the plot is non existent, the writing is laughable and there is nothing memorable in this 90 minute CG tech demo/music video. Watching this movie 3 years after it's release and seeing even Disney fanboys saying "Yeah it isn't all that great!" is the icing on the cake. Brave was better. Mulan was also better too. Furthermore, Princess and the Frog was better. Plus, Beauty and the Beast was better and Shrek was better. What gets me is how quickly Disney farted out a half hearted sequel with Frozen Fever and people didn't like it. So maybe it's time to "Let it Go" with this movie. It had it's 15 minutes in the sun and it's time for Disney to try and make a new classic, instead of cashing in on this one movies success. It's not completely terrible for I did chuckle here and there but the focus was just in the wrong place for me. While I can say "I saw Frozen are you all happy now?" it basically means the inevitably awful sequel can take it's place on my list. Not that I'll ever see it mind you, cus my main bet is still on. The bet that "I'll watch the entire list if the X-Men join the MCU!" but as I've said with confidence. That'll never happen.